taking control

There are days when I feel like I am never going to make it. The depression and loneliness feel like they will swallow me whole. I spend those days crying and yelling. Today has been one of those days.

I decided to mow the lawn, it was getting pretty long. And our favorite mower Taylor has moved so now one of us has to do it so I thought might as well be me. So I got out my iPod and started mowing, it flowed through a few songs that I don't remember and then, a song from a long lost CD that I imported the other day came on. Now I am not one who totally loves all of Michael McLean's music ( I think some of it is far too cheesy) But when his song "you're not alone" came flowing out of my iPod I couldn't help but cry. I re-set the play list to play the whole album, hearing things I so needed to hear. Kicking myself for rationalizing my attendance at church yesterday and staying home. There is a line in that song that says "and when you cry, you're just letting go of heartache deep inside" and honestly after spending that time mowing and crying I am feeling much better.

I am always telling my bestest friend ever to try and focus on the things that she can control and not the things that she can't. Today I am trying to take my own advice. As easy as it has been to slip into darkness and let it over come me I am taking control. I am the one in charge of my own happiness. I am the one who chooses how to react to bad or hard things.

I find it alot easier to be happy when I surround my self with things that uplift and encourage good things. I am so thankful that Mindy has been my companion via my CD player and iTunes the last couple of months. Mindy was always full of sunshine and smiles in High School I am so happy that I can find the same thing in her amazing Music. I have also been reading an amazing book called "The Continuous Atonement" by Brad Wilcox I suggest it to everyone!

So this is my pledge to take control of my happiness!