Struggling VS Thriving

I don't really know how to start this. I was watching the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" and there is a scene where they talk about words that define people or places. The only word I could think of to describe me was, Lost. On a particular bad day I was chatting with a friend and he could tell I was down and asked what was bothering me. I told him and he showed me that the things that I was so bothered by were little and that there are so many other harder things that would be harder to deal with. He eventually said " I don't know what your deal is..why you are so down". I've been thinking about that a lot. I think too much. I spend to much time dwelling on the past and the failures that I have had that it brings me down and I walk through an endless abyss of sadness. This is a cycle that I have. I hit MY bottom and then I spend some time climbing back up to survival mode. But I don't want to just live in survival mode anymore. I want to thrive.

I thought school would help, give me something to focus on. In some ways it has, it is definitely a challenge. But there are so many places in ME that are empty. Either because I don't know how to fill them or a person has come into my life and I have allowed them to take that piece with them and leave me with a hole to fill. The Wasband hole is nearly filled again and it is a wonderful feeling.

Anyways. I want to thrive. I want to focus on the good things. One of my favorite sayings is "Your day will go the direction the corners of your mouth turn" So, I am trying to be happy. I am trying to not worry about the thing that I cannot control. I am going to enjoy the little things and stop worrying about the big things. I am going to spend time with my kids and build lasting memories. I am going to eat and if I get fat I am not going to care. I am going to exercise when I feel like it and for the reason that it will be good for me and no other. I am going to cherish the times I am alone. And even more so the times I get to spend with my friends and family. I am going to be me with out worrying about anyone thinks about that.