In my last post I talk about a dilemma. In this post I am going to talk about some fears or reservations that I have. I've made the decision to go to Arizona this weekend to take the girls to visit my ex's family. Now I know that there are people out there that tell me that I am crazy and that is my ex's responsibility. But unfortunately my ex is more comfortable pretending that they don't exist to do that. My girls have strong bonds with his family and so did I . Some things happened to burn bridges and we are taking steps to try to rebuild them. I feel it is important for my girls to know that his family loves them and want to be involved in their lives even though he doesn't.
Now.. knowing this tell my why I am having reservations and fears about going down there for a week. Its because I am scared that things will turn sour again, even though they have proved to me that things are good. It still unsettles my stomach. I think another reason is thinking about making the trip alone. I just have alot more tendency to have anxiety over things than I use to. I know we will have a great time. I know the girls are dying to see the family down there and since my grandma died its been hard to take people for granted. My ex has some amazing people in his family. His grandparents live down with his parents and I miss them dearly. It will be great to see them.
The person I am most scared to see is my ex FIL when I lived with them we broke down alot of walls that were present during my marriage and I thought we became pretty good friends. We had so great heart to hearts and I gained a great respect for him. At times I wish I had him to talk to about things because he sees things so completely different from me that he forces me to look at things differently. He also encouraged me to "figure out what I want and make it happen" I will never forget that. When things happened he said some things that hurt my to the core. and the last time I saw him he wouldn't even look me in the eye. now in all honesty.. he terrifies me.
There are 2 people I miss more than anything else. my ex SIL and my ex Mother in Law. I can't wait to see them!
So there they are.. my fears, some unfounded some not.
3 comments:
What are you doing up so early? You must be really worried about this. I totally get the whole ex-family anxiety...though I must admit that your situation is very different than mine.
I think giving your ex's family a second chance is a very noble and kind thing to do. The pull to see people that you once shared life experiences with is strong. I think you just have to take the plunge and give people a chance to show their true colors -- good or bad.
At least afterwards you will know where you stand instead of wondering how it would be to see everyone.
I hope and pray it will be a wonderful reunion for you and the girls. You deserve that.
I have to admit you're a better person than I am. I really look up to you for taking this step. Just sit down, take a deep breath, and relax... It's all going to be OK and before you know it, you'll be back home wondering why you were so worried.
Hey Lady - thanks for adding me to your blog. :)
I'm sooo happy you came down, it was great seeing you and the girls again! I think things went fairly smooth, I hope you felt the same!
The pics turned out sooo cute on Photobucket, I didn't take any while they were here, so I don't have anything to add until next time...and next time I'm going to fight for time off to hang out with you guys!
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