Unintentional Inspiration

I use to paint, I would sit in my room for hours and play around with the watercolors on my palate. I Mixed all sorts of colors, and painted all sorts of things. I fell into a comfortable pattern, painting the same things. It was usually a striking sunset and then the black silhouettes of leafless trees over the top. Nothing very spectacular really.. and not many of them ever really turned out. But I liked it, it was enjoyable. 


One day, I stopped painting. There is a long story associated with why I stopped, but its neither here nor there. The result was, I stopped painting. 


The other day I was talking with a friend, we talked about painting. If you've known me for very long you know that I can't often just sit. I am usually doing something with my hands. Well during this particular conversation I was doodling and doodled something silly and sent a picture of it to my friend in hopes to give this friend a good laugh. The reaction I got was very different then what I expected. My Friend said "Beautiful" I as puzzled, how could my silly little doodle be misconstrued as beauty? I corrected my friend with a laugh and pointed out the silliness of it all. My friend retaliated with a comment about it being thoughtful and liking it. We discussed some more about art and painting. I realized that the only painting from back then that I knew I could find was in my Dad's office, that thought made me smile. Knowing that a person I cherish so dearly had it.


 I did come across a long unfinished painting the other day. I never finished it because I like how it was turning out, and when I finished what I was working on I didn't go any further for fear of messing it up and having to scrap the whole thing. So there it has sat, for probably 10 years untouched, unchanged and unfinished. It made me think about the way I live my life. Always so scared to ruffle peoples feathers, make a mistake, give a true opinion or anger someone that I find I bend to what I know they want to hear, sacrificing myself for their happiness. I need to stop doing that, I need to find a way to not be so scared. 


I started to think about my doodles, and then about painting, and again about the unfinished painting. Even now, after all of this time I am still scared to touch it. But it did wake up a desire to paint again. So, I went out and bought new supplies and have been playing around. Getting reacquainted with the color, paper, supplies and process has been more difficult than I anticipated but I am having fun. 


I turn on my music, and just paint. If I mess up, I just try again, there is no one to get mad at me, I have no expectations to live up to. The paint and paper won't leave, judge, insult or hurt me. For now, that is a good start. 


So Thank You dear friend for thinking my doodle was beautiful, helping me see that I can do something that is worth even the least little bit to someone else. Thank you for unearthing something I forgot I loved so much. Thank you for not running away.