Confidence, or being brave are not 2 things I am known for. But I guess that would depend on who you were talking to. I guess in some peoples eyes I am very brave. But because I am the one who lives inside this head of mine, I know all of the things that i don't do because of this or that. I see all of the opportunities pass by because I don't have the confidence to follow it through. its interesting to me that I can feel comfortable jabbing a needle in someones arm or teaching someone else how to do it. But when it comes to trying to meet someone new, or seeing old friends I freeze up, worry about what they will think of me.
I have people ask me "How can someone like you not have confidence, you have confidence" or my personal favorite "The you that I know has all the confidence in the world." and then when I say. "My eternal companion walked out on me and my beautiful children for something better." They start to see a small reason why when he walked out that door, he packed up all the confidence I had and took it with him. Now I have a problem with that, I don't think its fair that he got to take that with him, and you see I've spent the last 6 years trying to get it back. I get pieces here and there and I am slowly working my way back to where I use to be. But at the same time, its so much easier to lose again. Just one bad date, a bad breakup, even a rotten conversation with the wasband and it starts to disappear.
I have wonderful, amazing friends who tell me all the things you are suppose to tell friends to boost them up and make them feel better. I don't write this post for comments full of praise and compliments. I write this because today I chose to act and not hide. And that my friends is a BIG DEAL.
5 comments:
Hurray for action! I'm so glad that you did it.
And we were SO proud! Hurray for taking the steps to get back what was so unjustifiably taken from you.
It was a HUGE DEAL and I was so proud of you! And I'm still proud of you for each brave thing you do everyday because you were robbed and there is nothing like being robbed. It makes you feel vulnerable and of no worth when in fact it is the opposite. You are a daughter of God. A daughter of the most High King which makes you a princess. A queen in the making and don't worry. Maybe avenged isn't the right word but the King will make sure that his daughter, his princess who was so wrongfully violated, the thief will get his punishment. In the meantime, keep being brave and hold your head up a little higher because you are a princess.
Try this next time, it worked for me...As the Ex is walking out the door with MY suitcase of confidence, dignity, and strength....I ran after him, tripped him, punched him in the sternum, yanked MY suitcase out of his unknowing hands and yelled "payback suckah!!" Then calmly strolled back inside and unpacked MY things. :o) Good job being brave!
Bravery comes in many different forms, I think. Some days we certainly feel braver than others. I think you're doing great - and that's because I have no doubt that those girls of yours know that you love them. Always.
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