I am at work thinking thoughts and you are reading them

Trying really really hard not to fall asleep while typing. Sometimes I wonder if working is the right thing for me. Then I think about my long and short term goals and there is no other choice. If I am going to get where I want to be by the end of the year then I need to work.

Sometimes I wonder if the Graveyard shift is what is best. So I will possibly pursue other possibilities and shifts in the future. Right now I am focused on getting through my Phlebotomy class and being able to move onto something new. I am excited to learn a new element in Health care but I am also not too excited to get poked by my fellow inexperienced pokers. But I suppose I will have to suck it up and tell my self that it really is all in my head.

another one of my goals has sort of morphed. I still don't know exactly what I am going to do about it. But I had the goal of having a new car soon. Something that had AC, all the windows and blinkers.. that isn't too much to ask is it? Well my dear sweet wonderful Dad did some calling around for me and found a new door that will solved some of the more pressing problems with my car. He had the new door shipped to him and he brought it home today. So after the new door is put on really the only 2 things that will need to be fixed will be the AC and the blinkers. Hopefully they won't be too pricey and I will be able to get it all done with the money I have in savings that was for the down payment on a new car. If I can get this car fixed up and make it last at least another year or 2 I will hopefully save enough money to be able to buy a new car out right and not even have to deal with a car payment. Which would be nice.

Another goal and one that stresses me out far beyond my means is the goal of living on my own again. In a lot of ways this would be very good. I would have my own place with my own rules and be able to do my own thing. sorta.... Staying at my parents house has done several things for me. So I suppose I should weigh the pros and cons

Pros

• I don't have to pay for daycare
• I don't have to pay rent or utilities
• I can put my money into savings (which I don't do but should)
• My children get to build close and lasting relationships with my family
• I can go out at night after the girls are asleep and do things for myself
• I get to live with a lot of amenities that I wouldn't have on my own such as cable and Internet and also a Big yard
• I get to spend quality time with my Dad, Brother , Sister and wonderful Nephew.

Cons

• My Mother ( I know it sounds awful but sadly its true)
• there are lots of different rules and things that my girls have to follow that I don't always make them follow unless certain people are there to yell at my kids.
• I feel like I am taking advantage of my parents any time I ask for a sitter
• living with a grumpy sister
• Living with so many people/not a ton of privacy
• I always feel like my kids are in the way or getting on someones nerves (ie: bailey crying in the middle of the night)
• not wanting to go to church because everyone treats me weird cause they have known me forever

I am sure there should be more on both accounts but being as it is 4 am my brain may not be fully functional but It would hope that you get the point.

anyways this is the ends of my ramblings. .. Thank You for Patience